Chapter 204
DEMI
I spent the better part of my day scrolling through my phone, my thumb dragging across the screen. Photos. Messages. Call logs. A whole world and a whole life I don’t recognize. It’s insane how much a phone reveals about a person, but with every swipe or scroll, all I see is the fragments of Demi’s life; the Demi everyone misses, not me.
A part of me has been fighting to accept the fact that I have lost a good dose of my memories, and that before that, I was a completely different woman from anything I could have ever pictured for my life.
I’ve been going crazy wondering how I went from being the determined teenager who planned a five-years long, watertight revenge plot in honor of her murdered folks to locking lips and sharing a last name with my sworn enemies.
How the hell did I get to that point? Who else, besides myself, do I have a right to blame for the huge disappointing change of plans?
I whip my head at the sound of the doorbell. Absentmindedly, my fingers turn to ice as they reach to tighten around the couch. Anna gets the door and when it swings open, a man is behind it.
I instantly register the familiar features of his face as being family; uncle Marcel. Yet, I feel no warmth or comfort even from the pitiful glance he throws my way.
Though Anna has been trying to convince me that my uncle has been present in my life lately, even participated in some of the recent decisions I made before my accident, I can’t seem to shake off the awkwardness that comes with seeing a distant relative for the first time in a long while, which is exactly where my memory is at.
“Demi?” He calls softly before taking cautious steps towards me. His eyes bloom with equal parts pity and fear. I hate how everyone seems to have the same reaction around me, like I am as brittle as glass.
I let him wrap his steady arms around me for a whole minute, while my own hands stay frozen at my sides. I don’t realize I am holding my breath until he eases back to get a good look at me.
“How do you feel, my dear? Are you hurting anywhere p>
“No,” I lie. The truth is, I feel everything and yet nothing all at once.
I don’t miss how his gaze flickers to Anna hovering by the door, both of them watching me like I’m porcelain about to shatter. My teeth grind. “I’m fine,” I repeat, harsher this time even though I don’t believe it myself.
Unconsciously, I tuck my hands defensively across my chest and mumble in my head, I’d appreciate it if you guys start believing me when I say that. It’s bad enough that I am having an existential crisis. The last thing I need is their doubtful gaze making me feel like I belong in a hospital room.
I find my uncle’s face and our eyes hold. He proceeds to express his relief over my safety and to assure me of full recovery in no time. All the while, my rage simmers. Unable to hold back, the words finally spill from me, sharp and trembling.
“Why didn’t you stop it? Why did you let me marry into that family? You knew what they did to my parents. You knew who they were.” My voice cracks, splintering into something ugly. “Yet, you watched me betray my parents like that p>
Tears sting my eyes. “Why did you watch it all happen without bothering to talk some sense into your niece p>
He sinks into the nearest couch and sighs deeply. “Demi, regret won’t do you much good right now p>
I can’t believe him. “What? Is that all you have to say to me p>
“No.” His jaw tightens. “There’s so much more I could say to you right now, Demi. I could tell you how much I panicked and refused to believe it, how much I wanted to tear you away from them because I was terrified for you. That I—” He cuts himself short, his gaze dropping. “But none of that matters now. The truth is, you made choices. And whether you remember them or not, they weren’t all mistakes p>
“Mistake?” My throat burns. “Forgiving the people who murdered my parents? Falling in love with their son? You’re right. It wasn’t a mistake; it was a sin!” I cradle my head in my hands as a wave of nausea and disgust hit me. “I am so ashamed of myself. I could never forgive myself for betraying my parents like that p>
“Demi p>
“No.” I stop him from touching me with a blistering look. I need to endure this pain. I need to absorb this blame. This remorse is the only thing dissuading me from running into an oncoming vehicle and ending it all. Lord knows death feels better than the guilt clogging my throat.
His lips press into a thin line, his eyes unreadable. “Look kid, you’ll understand everything in due time but for now, please don’t let your anger devour you again. That’s where it started last time. That’s what you were fighting against before p>
“Before I lost myself?” I snap. “Or before I lost my parents all over again p>
“You lost your parents when you started turning into a spun of Brett Rollins under the guise of revenge!” Anna blurts out to my face. My eyes narrow to slits at her rude intrusion in my family matter but she remains unfazed by my death stare, walking up to my face. “Yes, there were days when even I didn’t recognize the things you were willing to do just to exact your revenge. Your moral lines were starting to blur, Demi. Do you remember why I swore to help you expose your parents’ killers? Because you promised to do let justice take its course. You promised not to become THEM p>
She dabs her eyes. “But slowly, you started becoming like them to the point where we weren’t sure who the true villain was anymore. That’s when you chose to pull the plug.” She takes my hands. “You stopped before the hatred could consume you. You did it for your parents, because they wouldn’t have approved of the woman you were becoming in the name of revenge p>
“She’s right.” Uncle Marcel chirps in. “She never left your side.” He thanks Anna with a subtle nod. “I am grateful that you met such a lovely friend in this town. I don’t know what would have become of you if you didn’t have this human compass to steer you right p>
I grit my teeth while struggling to digest everything. Hard as I try, the doubts continue to trickle in, dotting every word I hear. Did Anna really support my revenge or she talked me into letting the Rollins family off the hook because of her crush on the quads?
I press my eyes shut and bite my lips. I have to get it together but I really don’t know what to believe. My head demands that I take everything they’re saying with a pinch of salt but a small part of my heart nudges me to trust them.
I’m really scared. I don’t know what to make of this version of my reality, hence my distrust. I don’t want to play into the hands of my enemies. What if my memory loss is the universe giving me a second shot at fulfilling the promise I made to my late parents, to correct the egregious sins I made in the past like marrying into the Rollins family?
Then my heart goes, what if it’s a fresh start to lead with love and forgiveness in spite of the pain and anger? What if this is the true test of character?
Anna’s gentle hand on my shoulder startles me out of my chaotic thoughts. Her eyes are blurred with tears, and sad.
“We’ve been through so much together, Demi. We’re the sisters we never had, remember? I could NEVER p>
Her voice falters a moment, and in that crack, something familiar spurs me to pull her in for a hug. Together, we cry on each other’s shoulders like little girls. I might not be sure of a lot of things but this moment right here feels pure. I know I can be my vulnerable self for the brief time we spend wrapped in each other’s arms.
She pulls back and wipes my tears with her sleeves. “I wouldn’t betray you. That would be like betraying my own blood p>
I bob my head in agreement.
“So, trust me…trust us” she corrects herself glancing at my uncle. “Things are way different than you remember right now. I’ll tell you everything you need to know about anyone you’re curious about. I’ll explain every article online, why some old friends turned foes and how old enemies became friends…even lovers.” Her eyes drift to the door and I follow them.
One of the Rollins quads is standing there.
Long after my uncle and Anna leave to give us some privacy, our guest lingers by the door for a heartbeat. Finally, he crosses the room, his steps deliberate but hesitant. We sit in silence while I anxiously dry my eyes to distract myself from a face I grew up loathing.
I keep rifling across my scanty memory to find something about this guy beyond what I remember but no matter how much his name bounces in my head, I still draw blanks.
“It’s okay,” he says gently. “If this is too much, I can leave.” The way he says it—soft, patient, like he’s handled me broken before—pulls something in me I can’t name. And as much as I wish the quads would give me some space to figure myself out, I am equally as determined to know just what yesterday’s Demi saw that made her botch her perfect revenge plan.
“Wait.” My voice comes out raw. “I’m fine. I swallow hard. “I was just having a moment p>
Without looking up, I gesture him back to his seat which he drops back in. For the first time, I look at his face properly.
I’d give it to them; the quads are a work of art but true pride blooms inside me when the flicker of physical admiration disappears in seconds. I’d hate myself if I was mesmerized.
“How do you feel p>
“Fine.” I bite out, sharper than intended. Then hate myself for feeling a misplaced sense of guilt. “I meant…I feel much better p>
“I’m glad to hear that p>
“You’re p>
“Ashton.” He supplies, pre-empting my question.
Great. The one I am supposed to be in love with. I draw in a sharp breath as the awkwardness sits in the air.
“What what was the last thing we spoke about before…before my accident?” He goes still. I literally feel the tension radiating from him.
“Um…there were a couple things, like my brother, Ashal. We also talked about…us p>
I don’t look up when he pauses after that admission but my head snaps at the next line. “We…we also spoke about your mother.” I feel him struggling with that.
“What about my mother p>
He grinds his teeth. “We can discuss it in detail later but not before doctor Ezra examines you. I don’t want to tow any line that could potentially worsen your condition”
I swallow the burning questions on my tongue and dip my eyes. “So, what can you safely tell me that I don’t remember p>
The silence is a tad thicker than the emotion that engulfs his eyes.
“How much I love you p>
My eyes widen in their sockets. Dreadful of where this might go, I move to change the topic.
“Look, I know we are supposed to be the words feel like lead on my tongue. “I mean, you and I p>
“Right p>
“I just…I don’t remember any of that p>
“I understand. It’s not your fault p>
I exhale deeply. “I need time…lots of it to piece my memory together.” I tell him bluntly. “Your doctor, can he really help me p>
Ashton bobs his head. “Doctor Ezra doesn’t work miracles but he comes pretty damn close p>
“Fine. I’ll see him p>
“Thank you.” Before he can stop himself, he surges to his feet and presses a simple kiss on my forehead. “I’ll make an appointment.” Then with eyes laden with hope, “Everything will be alright, Demi. We always manage to overcome the curveballs life throws at us. This won’t be any different p>
With a benign smile, he shuffles out, leaving my jaw hanging open. I stare at the door and feel a dull ache when the hum of his car grows distant.
Maybe I can sense that Ashton and I did have a connection before my accident caused a factory reset. But rather than feeling butterflies, or giddy, all I feel is fear.
Not the fear of falling for him again and repeating the same sin I already committed. Not the fear of ruining something beautiful with Ashton like everyone around me believes we had. No, the fear is a little different.
“Are you okay?” Uncle Marcel asks, cutting off my thought train.
I feign a smile and nod. “I agreed to see the doctor p>
Anna lets out a sigh of relief while my uncle beams at me.
“That’s really good.” He tells me. While they trade cheerful glances, I wring my hands and turn away to hide the stray tear rolling down my cheek. The fear stares me right in the face.
What if I don’t want to regain my memories and become the old Demi they all love? What if I am happy rewriting my story a little differently this time, free from all their expectations? Will they be prepared to forget the old Demi and accept the new me instead?