Chapter 251
Once Lisa was gone Xaden weakly sat down on the bed trying to gather his thoughts over everything.
It was all too much for him to process at once.
Too much for him to understand and decipher.
The deaths, secrets, revelations.
He felt choked and overcome with all the events that had happened to him.
It further frustrated him that he had no one to share his pains and frustration with.
Erik had enough on his plate with dealing with his daughter who was growing up without a mother and beginning to ask more and more when mummy would return.
He hated to feel like he was bugging and even though he knew that Erik was there for him to open up to, Xaden preferred to keep his pain to himself.
Eleanor had been the only person he had managed to open up to apart from that there had been no one else.
And with Jasmine.
He had begun to feel like maybe they would have a sort of understanding, that perhaps maybe he would be able to communicate with her.
Maybe he could open up to her about his fears.
But she had destroyed everything.
When he had heard that the message the owl was carrying was an order of how she was going to kill him he had almost gone insane.
The penalty for treason was instant death.
Beheading and being hung on the spikes.
But he could hardly imagine himself doing that.
It seemed like a too easy punishment for her.
Too soft.
He wanted her to suffer as she was making him suffer.
And then there was Fiona who he had taken as his sister, and had back stabbed him by keeping it secret from him.
He had felt so foolish like he was the only one who did not know while everyone else knew.
He put his hands in his hair and then he heard his door open.
He looked up and saw Lily.
He had completely forgotten about her.
Since her and Uther’s had returned he had barely had any chance to actually sit and talk to her or have a serene conversation with her.
“My lord,” she said. “May I come in?”
“Of course Lily.” He said. He motioned to a nearby soft and plush couch. “Do have a seat.”
“Thank you my lord.” She said as she took the seat he had offered.
“I apologize for my being unavailable.” He said. “I have been very occupied with a lot things going on here and there.”
She chuckled. “It is alright my lord. I have been in the pack here and I understand what has been going on.”
He didn’t say a word again.
She sighed and said. “I apologize for the loss of the woman who became your mother. It was hurtful that you lost one before now and I can hardly imagine how it feels losing another.”
Xaden rose his head up and Leaned it against the headboard.
Then he heard her rise from where she sat on the plus couch and come him.
She now squatted before him in such a way that he was forced to look up at her.
“And I want you to know that I am here for you. And not just as your mate, but as your friend too. I can hardly imagine what you are going through.” She said looking him in the eye.
“You deserve to be with someone better than me.” He said cupping her cheek gently.
She closed her eyes and felt the warmth of his hands against her palm. “I am never present and I always have so much on my head. You deserve someone who would be there for you at the slightest opportunity. Not someone like me who Carries so much baggage and deals with an attempted assassination every week.”
They laughed together at his last statement.
Then his face went back to its original state and he said. “But you truly deserve someone better. Not me. I have nothing to offer you.”
She touched his hand and held it in place of her face refusing to let him go. “The moon goddess celine chose you as my mate from
The moment I was born. We discovered we were mates since we were babies. That is a
Rare event that hardly occurs. I was chosen ti be your mate for a reason. With your baggage and with your troubles, so shall I be with you until the final hour.”
He swallowed hard.
He knew that she was his responsibility but was he ready for the commitment of getting married to her?
He was in reality still married to Jasmine and they held a bond together.
A tethered blood bound bond for that matter.
She could not just easily up and leave.
And he in turn could not just simply get married to another.
It was not allowed.
He smiled at her as he rose up from his feet and went around her to avoid pushing her down.
“You truly deserve someone else better.” He said.
He picked up his brown fur coat and wore it.
Then he tied his hair up into a ponytail.
“I shall prepare for you to be sent back to your home so that you will not delay in this godforsaken curse place.” He said. “This place is filled with sadness and casualties. And I do not wish to see you hurt.”
She too turned and rose up to him.
“Will you please my lord not be hasty about your decision making.” She said to him.
“This is the best I can offer you. We are mates but you can always find someone else. Someone who will stay and protect you.” He said as he wore his boots.
“Do you mean to say that you will not protect me my lord?” She asked him in surprise.
“No of course not.” He said. “I will lay my life for my people and those who are under me, but I shall never be the man you want.”